sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
