Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
