I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize