Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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