my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
