so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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