He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
