i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
