took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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