You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
