I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
