uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
