Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
wow bdsm is so cute
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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