My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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