my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well you can't waste a boner
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
