omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
