All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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