I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
