Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
