I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
