You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize