so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
