who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
