one two three fourrrrnication!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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