Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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