Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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