You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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