So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
