GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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