IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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