Plan B is the new Plan A
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
