If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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