I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
