you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
