Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
