is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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