Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
