dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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