I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
