I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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