I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
