Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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