sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
