Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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