What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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