So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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