He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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