thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
