I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my being single is dangerous.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
