I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
