I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
