Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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