I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
