another moral hangover. fuck.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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