so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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