nut hugger
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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