Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
