the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
