a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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