Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
