i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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