i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
