About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
