You just made me feel so damn special
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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