it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sobbing to NWA
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