Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
