I want to stick my p in your. b.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
