He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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