I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
