we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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