I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
