bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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