Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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