I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
