ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to make out with him forever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
