I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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