Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
