oh god the rape fog is back!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
