Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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