so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
