pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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