I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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