he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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