after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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