i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
