I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
