My liver just broke up with me...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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