so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
