Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
