Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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