I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
