i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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