Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize