I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
