the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
