The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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